The Good Wife's Guide

I received an email today from Debbie (thanks Debbie for the tips). It was a copy of an actual article published in Good Housekeeping 1955. That's right 1955! Titled "The Good Wife's Guide". Now, those of you who know me well, know that I constantly ask myself "Angie, how can you be a better wife?". Stop laughing. I mean it, stop laughing. So of course, I decided to look the article over, compare it to my habits, and see just where I stand in the Good Wife category.

The instructions were as follows (paraphrased of course):

. Plan well and have a delicious dinner ready when he returns from work.
. Prepare myself (i.e. look your best).
. Be gay and interesting. (After all, his day has probably been boring and it's one of my duties)
. Clear away clutter.
. Prepare the children so they look the part of the little treasures they are. Minimize noise.
. Be happy to see him.
. Greet him with a warm smile and show sincerity in my desire to please him.
. Listen to him and remember his topics of conversation are more important than mine.
. Make the evening his. Don't complain if he's late or goes out after work.
. My goal: Try to make sure my home is a place of peace, order and tranquility where Jason can renew himself in body and spirit.
. Don't greet him with complaints and problems.
. Don't complain if he's late or even if he stays out all night. Count this as minor compared to what he might have gone through that day.
. Make him comfortable in his chair or bed. Bring him a cool or warm drink.
. Arrange his pillow and take off his shoes.
. Don't ask him questions about his actions or question his judgement. He is the master of the house. I have no right to question him.

and lastly,

. A good wife always knows her place.

Now, let's in turn look at the reality that is our household. My very own Good Wife's Guide. Listen up ladies - the times they are a changin!

. When your husband arrives home from a hard day's work and there is nothing cooking or even defrosting, smile sweetly and offer to "let him" run to McDonald's.
. When you haven't even bothered to shower or brush your teeth, just maintain a goodly distance. And, for God's sake, don't breath on him!
. Be a happy, dirty, non-cooking wife.
. Make sure there is no clutter on his recliner, or at the very least, that the clutter is flat so it's not lumpy under his butt when he sits down.
. Make sure that the children understand that their father is the only one who can answer questions regarding computer games and Nintendos. And that he will definitely want to speak them about their issues as soon as he walks in the door. Repeat regularly that "Mom doesn't know anything about those sorts of things".
. Be happy to see him - or at least act like you are.
. Greet him with a warm smile that hides your "I really don't give a crap" attitude.
. Listen to him - who cares if it goes in one ear and out the other. But make sure to interrupt him a lot with random comments - lets him know you have a life of your own to lead after all. Allow children to interrupt at least every 10 - 15 seconds with technical questions (see above) - makes him feel important.
. If your husband is late or goes out after work, feel free to hold it over his head - makes him feel wanted.
. Greet him with all your complaints and problems, implying that he can fix them - makes him feel smart.
. If your husband stays out all night, feel free to cosh him over the head with your 12" cast iron skillet.
. Allow him to sit or lay comfortably amongst the clutter after he fixes his own damn drink.
. Don't worry about taking off his shoes. You don't have to touch his feet. And nobody can make you.
. Question all of his judgments and decisions - makes him feel like he married an intelligent woman.

and lastly,

. A good wife knows her place. Right beside her husband making him miserable. It's our job.